Bless The Stress

I’ve been hesitant to post about our moving process because I wasn’t sure how to put it all in to words.  It was bittersweet in the beginning, leaving our home that has so many sentimental moments attached to it. Now I’m screaming “Get me the hell out of here” because it’s been a nightmare. (That is not me dramatizing. Our realtor has said this has been the worst closing she’s ever dealt with her in career.)

So, the home that we are selling sold on April 20.  Here we are, June 24, and we have yet to close on it.  I don’t even know where to begin when explaining the many hiccups that have come our way.  None of it is any thing to do on our end, but, people who are dealing with the home of the buyers who are buying our house.  I actually even feel sorry for the couple purchasing our home, because it isn’t their fault either.  First, there was an issue with the gentleman purchasing their home, then someone who came out and did the appraisal for the home they are selling in CT conducted the appraisal wrong so it had to be redone.  My understanding is that it had to be redone twice.  We camped out in our house for 6 weeks before we finally decided to move out this past weekend, despite not having closed, because all the disarray of boxes and such was becoming just too much for our little family. The dogs and Blake were freaking out among all the craziness of every thing being out of sorts.  Not gonna lie, it’s been stressful! Since we have yet to close on the home we are selling, we cannot close on the home we are buying.  When we do close on the “current” home, we then have to wait for a new roof installation before we can move in to our new home. (Is this getting confusing?)

Every thing has been delayed so much, 3 HUD statements have been drawn up because, I guess, they expire? Additionally, we lost our initial mortgage rate because it expired after 30 days.  Rates have gone up since we had our first, so our monthly payment for the new house has now increased by $100 a month.  Imagine my excitement when I saw that! *insert sarcastic eye roll here*

I’m trying really hard not to be angry and frustrated with this whole process, yet I have been failing….because I am angry. I’m not sure whom or what to be angry at. There are so many hands in the pot, and so many people that have made mistakes along the way. I’m just…angry. And then I have bouts of sadness where I just want to cry. And, too, I’ve laughed. Because what do you do when you’re anger, turns into tears, and yet more “news” comes? I guess I just start laughing. I’m feeling a little bipolar. We are currently living with my grandparents, for which I am grateful, but it’s a small area in a tiny part of the house for 2 adults, 1 very active toddler, and 2 dogs.  I have to be sure to keep Blake busy because he is going crazy inside the house. He likes to explore, and most of his toys are packed any way. I’m trying to stay out of the house as much as possible to keep him happy and stimulated, and rest when I can.  We’ve spent most of the day playing outside today. We visited the splash pad, walked around downtown Winter Garden, bought a bike trailer (which also converts into a stroller trailer-so cool!), took a walk with our new toy, and played on the playground down the street.  You’d think all of that would wear a kid down.  But, nope, Blake refused to nap today.

*Proceeds to bang head against the wall*

Needless to say, I’m tired. I’m tired of the past 2 months. And I’m even more tired of knowing that when we get into the new house, that we’ll be spending the next few weeks painting the entire interior, because it desperately needs it.

And I’m tired of complaining. So I should just stop.

I was excited when our house sold in April because that meant I could spend the summer getting settled into our new home, and I planned to do a lot of summer planning for my 3rd grade gifted teaching position. I wanted to make, and create, and, just have fun doing what I love for my classroom.

I have B in daycare 2 days a week, so him and I are busy doing fun things around town when he’s with me, and the other 2 days I’m running errands—getting paperwork signed, printing papers, packing, unpacking, packing, then unpacking, making phone calls….and I don’t even know what else. There I go complaining again. Truthfully right now I could just cry.

I’m trying to just surrender to God, but as soon as I do I get another phone call telling me things have been delayed AGAIN. We’ve had about 12 closing dates so far, mostly all of which have been canceled within just a few hours of “closing”. I’m mentally exhausted from getting excited, preparing to close and finally pack up for good, only to have it crushed. Thus the reason we just made the decision to put our life in storage for the time being and leave. Michael and I needed some relief from the impending “big moving day”. Besides, we changed our moving day 5 times on our friends, and every time we told friends who were going to help us that we were moving, the number of people willing to help diminished.  Not that I blame them. It’s like the boy who cried wolf! Thankfully this past weekend when we finally decided to just leave, we had friends who called other friends to help.

God has a plan, and I wish I knew it. Or that I understood it. Understanding it, or trying to make sense of it all is not part of his plan, I know. As much as I know I need to just give it over to him, and stop stressing myself, the control freak in me wants to do it all. I want to make phone calls and expedite the process. I want to explain to people how everyone in this whole process has been put out, including the people who are purchasing our home.  It isn’t their fault, they are camping out in their home in CT, sleeping with 2 blow up mattresses on the floor with a toddler.

“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”-Matthew 11:28

I need rest, Lord.  Physical, mental, and emotional rest. I know only you can provide that.

Too much negativity! IMG_5714

I’d like to end this on a positive note, here’s a pic of Blake and I using his new bike trailer today. This is the park that I used to go to as a kid!  Memories! The old Merry-Go-Round I once played on is gone, and has been replaced with a safe playground (ha), but I remember spinning for hours on that thing. I even remember getting my hair stuck in it once.  It was just cool to walk the grounds again.  It’s only down the street from my grandparents, but I haven’t been there in 15 years.

He had a blast in his new bike trailer toy, he giggled sliding down the slide, nearly refused getting off the swing, and pointed at all the trucks driving by!  The boy loves his trucks. So, even though we are a little crammed at my grandparents, it’s a blessing that he gets to live for a bit in the house that I grew up in, and experience a little fun-trotting down to the park. (Though I used to run or rollerblade). 🙂

He’s absolutely overjoyed when we walk through the house and he sees Granny and Poppy.  He calls them “Papa” and “Rara”, not quite being able to say Granny and Poppy. Haha! We joke that these are their new names as great-grandparents. 😀 As I write this and reflect, there’s the blessing in all this. That Blake gets to experience being around 2 of the most beautiful people in the world–my grandparents; his great grandparents. My Poppy and My Granny. He gets to wake up to see their faces first thing in the morning and jump into their arms, which he does every time he sees them. They get to love and cuddle on him often throughout the day. And he’s getting lots of extra food treats, the junk food kind that mommy would never give him. 😉 I think it’s doing them a lot of good to have him here, too.  Blake has really lightened up the place around here. It’s also been pretty cool having a live-in person to watch the baby monitor at night after B goes to bed so Michael and I have a dinner-date out. Blake is sleeping in the room that I grew up in, he’s running around the same yard I did when I was 8. Heck, even the dogs my grandparents got when I was 14 are still alive and living here! HA. He loves petting and bothering them! He’s climbed over and over the same stairs that I used to climb, and he’s spent time driving his ride-on airplane up and down the driveway that I used to ride my bike around. Today he ran circles around the circular driveway, the same driveway that I learned to drive in when I was 14-in my Granny’s blue, beat-up, old, Oldsmobile.  Come to think of it, it’s all kind of pretty cool I guess. Living in the same house your mom grew up in. It’s a blessing. I should take more pictures of these moments.

This is the moment where I tell myself to stop, breathe-in, refresh, and enjoy the little moments. Because, let’s face it, my Poppy and Granny won’t be here forever.  Blake needs to experience this beautiful part of all this. Living with 2 amazing-and Godly people.

I think I just got it, God.

Thank You.



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