So I wrote this really long blog post 2 days ago, then felt guilty for writing it. So I deleted it. My purpose of creating this was to be forthcoming and honest, but that post caused me to lose a lot of sleep that night over things I’d said. Some of you saw it and were kind enough to respond. Thank You.
Onto the new…
It’s 2:30 AM and here I am updating my blog. Truth is, I’m wide awake and can’t go back to sleep. I wish I could, because God knows I’m tired! I put Blake down in his crib upstairs for the 3rd night in a row. He’s really doing great with that! He’s really fussy now from about 9-10PM, which is a vast improvement from the previous 5-10. When he starts I just rock him in the glider in his room, turn off all the lights, play the ocean on the noise machine and usually he’ll go to sleep within an hour. Tonight that didn’t work so well and I had to bounce on the yoga ball.
He awoke at around 12:30 making the hungry face. He threw up 3 times. By throw up I mean more than spit up. He’s been doing this more and more during feedings, but this many times is a new one. He started with 4 oz. I stopped at every ounce to burp him. Each time I stopped he would start crying. It was a long feeding because I didn’t want to go too fast. (That’s always a disaster for him.) I try to space each feeding as much as I can. Blake was clearly hungry because he was sucking it down very quickly. I’m wondering if he’s going through another growth spurt. He ate as if I hadn’t fed him in days! First ounce-he burped. On the second ounce he threw up. Then cried, making the hungry face. (I call it the hungry face-he opens his mouth wide and moves his head back and forth searching for a bottle.) I didn’t feed him right away. I wanted to give his stomach time to settle. Fed him another ounce, which he cried in the middle of. Put him over my shoulder and he burped really well, then threw up again. Cried even louder. I waited again. Tried to comfort him and get him to go back to sleep because I didn’t want to feed him right away again. He was clearly still hungry. Tried another ounce or two. He seemed to be doing really well with that one but continued to be fussy. I tried holding him in different positions thinking that would make him feel better but nothing worked. About 30 minutes later he threw up again. A LOT. He became frustrated. (I would to if I was starving but couldn’t keep anything down and couldn’t understand why.) I bounced him on the yoga ball and he started to drift off to sleep. Worried that he didn’t get enough in his stomach I gave him about half an ounce, just to be sure he had SOMETHING in there. He took that just fine and has been sleeping for about 30 minutes. I’ve placed him to sleep in the pack ‘n play in the living room. I’m sitting on the sofa.
His next appointment is January 7 for his 2 month check-up. I tried to get an earlier appointment, but I requested to see a specific doctor and that’s his next available. Guess we’ll have to wait this out until then. I’m sure I could get in earlier but I really like Dr. S and feel that he really listens to me and wants to help.
In the midst of all this, illness is spreading across our house. Michael started off sick and did his best to keep his distance from Blake and I. Blake managed to catch a bit of it a few days ago. He was running a low grade fever and a stuffy nose, but I was able to ward that off with saline drops and a nasal aspirator. He doesn’t seem to be experiencing much anymore. Hoping it was a short stint and doesn’t return for him. Michael is still sick though, and apparently it’s now my turn. I have a stuffy nose and sore throat. Not cool germs. Not cool.
Back to Blake.
I’ve been giving him the probiotics in his bottle twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night. I wish I could report that I’ve seen a drastic improvement, but I can’t. I’m going to keep administering hoping it’ll kick in at some point. Everything I’ve read says it takes 36 hours to kick in. It’s been 72.
I feel like I’ve tried so many things to comfort him. I know, though, that there’s tons more I could be doing. So many have provided me with advice and suggestions. I try to take it all but some things get lost in the shuffle. If you’ve suggested something and I haven’t written about it then feel free to remind me. Seriously, I really value what everyone has to say and I’m willing to try just about anything!
Tonight as I was bouncing Blake on the yoga ball I was reading the bible from my iPhone. (Man, I love technology! It would be impossible to read a book in the middle of the night with one hand, and in the dark.) I have an app that has chronologically broken down the bible in 365 segments, so I can read through everything in 1 year. I started reading through the book of Job. I believe God timed that so well for me.
Job was a good man and was faithful to God. He experienced trials and great losses, and through temptation gave in to the ways of the world. Job questioned many aspects of his life and wanted to know the question we all ask ourselves: “Why?” Why is this happening to me? To my family?
This is a question I’ve asked as well. What our little family is experiencing is so small compared to what others have gone/are going through. There are children with grave illnesses and disabilities. Families financially struggling to make ends meet-to feed their children. I have no reason to wonder and waste my time on “Why?” This is a question I often throw around in the heat of the moment when I have completely lost my patience. I need to do better! Job wanted to know why he was being punished by God. In the end, Job acknowledges the mighty power of God and admits that he doesn’t understand why God does what he does, but he trusts him. How true this is! I’m unsure of so much of what’s going on with Blake. I continue to be impatient and want answers NOW. I just want him to be comfortable, so I can be comfortable and sane. 😉 (So selfish, but so true.)
But there is a reason. I just know it.
He’s stirring and crying right now. I’m sure he’s hungry!
Here we go again…!