What I’ve Learned (so far) About Being A Mom

1) No time to go to the gym? Colicky baby? No problem! Infants make great dumbbells.  I get a great workout, and it soothes Sir-Cry-A-Lot.

2) I have little time to eat.  By that I mean my arms are always preoccupied-you know, bouncing, playing airplane, spinning my kid around (see below), throwing him up in the air (safely, don’t worry)-that I just can’t remove leftovers from the fridge, heat them up, then sit down at the table to eat with a fork. Nor am I able to make myself a sandwich. My solution is the handy microwavable Campbell’s soups that I can drink from the can.  Genius, those Campbell people.  Genius.  I’m certain whoever came up with that idea was a mom.
Creamy Tomato is my fave.

3) Spinning my kid around has confirmed my weak stomach.  I can only spin him once before I feel sick.

4) There was a time when I thought I could only survive on a minimum of 8 hours of sleep at night.  Clearly I was an idiot, because I can zombie-function just fine on 4.

5) No time for my usual full-out make-up routine anymore.  I’ve learned I can get by on these basic make-up essentials: Primer, base, mascara, and chapstick. Trying to apply eye-liner  and eyeshadow + screaming baby in the background caused me to look like a drunken Elvira. Clearly, my patience couldn’t multi-task

(Not that Elvira didn’t look like she was drunk when she put on her make-up anyway…)
6) I once thought that all babies had the same cry and one could not differentiate their child’s from another.  WRONG.  I’m certain I could pick Blake’s out in a crowd of 300 babies…because as much as his cry grates at me after hours and hours, it’s also the sweetest sound in the world.  
7) “Newborn” and size “0” clothes are NOT the same.
8) I should always pack 2374892 outfits in the diaper bag.  Because, if you can dream or fathom “said” mess, it will happen.
9) I hate coffee. Coffee is my best friend. I love it. I love it not.  Coffee and I now have a love/hate relationship.  In other words, we’ve reached an understanding.  I curse its nastiness, it gives me energy.  Beautiful. 
10) There will never be an end to this list…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s